by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
A minor disagreement can get out of hand very quickly or a simple conversation can suddenly turn into a shouting match.
Because your fear of being abandoned, or disappointing your partner makes itself the primary consideration in the conversation.
Hearing another person’s opinion or point of view can trigger the feeling of being invalidated, and for many people, it’s a signal that ridicule, criticism or judgment is on the way!
Good communication is telling your truth about YOU to others and being congruent—within yourself.
Being congruent is a process in which you value yourself; you take ownership of your thoughts and feelings, and your resources and choices; honor and express your deepest knowing about yourself and be sure that what you say and how you say it match what you are feeling.
There are three major reasons that men and women don’t communicate effectively.
First and foremost, most people do not identify their feelings accurately.
Secondly, it is very difficult for most people to find the right words to express how they feel.
Lastly, if they do know how they feel and if they have a few words to accurately express how they feel, most lack the courage to let anybody know.
Does this sound like you or others you know? Identifying your feelings, finding the right words to express your feelings and mustering the courage to actually express your feelings to another person really isn’t so complicated.
Don’t avoid saying what is in your heart or on your mind to say.
Don’t hide your worries because you don’t want your partner to know that you are not in control.
Don’t hide your hopes and dreams because you are afraid no one will share your excitement.
When you stay emotionally intelligent and emotionally available the lines of communication stay open. Create a safe and supportive place to tell each other the truth mindfully, responsibly and respectfully and always remember that the foundation of your relationship is built on good will and good intention.
Remember, only YOU can make it happen!