by Dr. Jackie Black
Part 2 in a 4-part series on boundaries in relationships
If your life is filled with more of what you don’t want and not enough of what you do want, it’s time to set your boundaries.
Boundaries define your sense of self (who you are as an individual).
Setting boundaries makes others feel safe around you and allows you to feel safe in your environment. It is a way to exhibit self-respect, thereby increasing the respect shown to you by others.
Setting and maintaining your boundaries, and honoring the boundaries of others are among the most challenging and confusing behaviors in relationships.
Boundaries are innate and natural to everyone. You have your own internal indicator when a boundary is being violated. A boundary, when crossed by others, will create intense feelings of anger, hurt or outrage inside you.
You set boundaries to protect two different parts of Self:
Boundaries that protect your Outside Self can be violated by actions like:
Boundaries that protect your Inside Self can be violated by actions like:
Take some time and ask yourself two important questions:
The more aware you become about the boundaries you need to set and the boundaries others are asking you to honor, the more choices you can make that will be self-affirming and self-esteeming!
Remember, only YOU can make it happen!